I-Ways of Loving ( Urano , 2010) iyincwadi ebhalwe ngokubambisana ngudokotela wezifo zengqondo u-Amir Levine kanye nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRachel Heller. Iyincwadi egxile ekwelapheni ukunamathelana kwabantu abadala ngokwesayensi . Inikeza ulwazi oluwusizo kakhulu ngalomqondo, oqala ukwanda njengoba ubudlelwano buthuthuka futhi buba nzima kakhulu.
Uma ucabanga ngendlela yokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho noma ufuna ukuqonda indlela yakho yokunamathela ngokusekelwe ebuntwini bakho, ungaphuthelwa yile ncwadi. Yisiqondiso esiqondile sokuqonda ukuthi ukunamathela kububumba kanjani ubudlelwano bethu.
Izindlela zothando: noma ukuthi ukunamathela kubumisa kanjani ubudlelwano bethu
ukufunda mayelana nokunamathiselwe
Siyizilwane zenhlalo, futhi ikhwalithi yobudlelwano bethu izothinta abantu esiba yibo, kanye nokuphila kwethu . ULevine noHeller bachaza eminye yemibono ekhona mayelana nokunamathelana futhi baqhathanisa izifundo zabo nesisekelo sesayensi. Ukuze benze kanjalo, babuyela emuva kumbono owasungulwa nguJohn Bowlby, isazi sengqondo saseNgilandi kanye nophayona wenkolelo-mbono yokunamathelana.
Le ncwadi, manje eneminyaka eyishumi nantathu ubudala, iwulahla ngokuphelele umqondo wokuthi ukunamathelana kuyisifo. Ngokuphambene nalokho, abantu banesidingo esiyisisekelo sokusungula izibopho eziqinile, futhi ukunamathelana kuyinto enengqondo nelindelekile . Kodwa-ke, okunye ukunamathelana kuyathandeka futhi kuyazuzisa, akukhawuleli ukuzimela futhi kusivumela ukuba silondoloze ubudlelwano obuhle nabanye. Ngokufanayo, kukhona nokunamathelana okungaba yingozi ebudlelwaneni bethu nabanye abantu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isitayela sokunamathelana esibi sisithinta ezingeni lomuntu siqu, njengoba singalimaza kakhulu ukuzethemba kwethu.
ukunamathela lapho esemdala
Okuqinisekile, futhi lokhu kuye kwaboniswa yizifundo ezahlukahlukene, ukuthi indlela yethu yokunamathela incike kakhulu ekunamatheleni esikutholayo siseyizingane . Ukwakheka kobuntu bethu, uhlobo lokunamathela noma amazinga okuthembela ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni bethu, kanye nohlobo lothando noma ukunakwa abazali bethu abasinika kona kunquma indlela yokunamathela yabantu abadala ababhali abaxoxa ngayo encwadini.
Izincazelo zale ncwadi zicacile futhi zisiza abafundi baqonde indlela yabo yokunamathela kanye nemiphumela engaba khona yokwakha ubuhlobo nomuntu onesitayela esihlukile sokunamathela . Ababhali banikeza ukusekela kulabo abanamathele ngokukhathazeka futhi baxwayisa labo abanamathele ngokugwema ukuziphatha abangakubonisa kubantu abakhathazekile. Naka lokhu, ngoba, kunoma yikuphi, zombili lezi zindlela zokunamathela ziyingozi empilweni eyanelisayo kanye nobudlelwano obunempilo . Labo abanamathele ngokuphephile kufanele futhi bafunde ngokucophelela; khumbula ukuthi nabo, bakha izibopho ngokomzwelo nabanye. Abantu, ngokwencazelo, bangabantu abanobudlelwano.
Izinhlobo zokunamathiselwe
Njengoba sishilo, uDkt. Amir Levine kanye nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Rachel Heller bachaza ithiyori yokunamathisela ka-John Bowlby, ehlukanise okunamathiselwe kwaba izinhlobo ezintathu:
- Yebo. Lowo onokunamathela okuvikelekile uyakwazi ukulingana ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, uyakwazi ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakhe futhi ufuna ukuxhumana nomunye umuntu ngozwela.
- Ukukhathazeka. Uzwa ubuhlungu, ungumuntu ongazithembi ohlale edinga omunye futhi ohlale esaba ukulahlwa. Uncike ngokomzwelo.
- ukugwema. Ngokuvamile ungumuntu okugwemayo ukukhuluma ngemizwa. Bangabantu ababandayo nabakude; ngokuvamile banalo mlingiswa ngoba baye bahlupheka izikhathi zokungabi nandaba kusukela ebuntwaneni.
Ukuqonda izitayela ezahlukene zokunamathelana, izici zobuntu ezihambisana nazo, kanye nemiphumela yazo kusisiza siqonde ubunzima bobudlelwano kanye nemizwa evela ekungazethembi kwethu okujulile. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi lokhu kungazethembi kuvela ekusebenzelaneni kwethu nabanye, okugxile ezweni lethu elingokomzwelo eliseduze kakhulu . Ukuqonda isitayela somuntu sokunamathelana kuwukuziqonda , okuholela ekuhlaziyweni okungcono kwesimo kanye nethuba lokusishintsha. Ngempela, kungenzeka ukuguqula isitayela sethu sokunamathelana.
Iziphetho
Incwadi ethi Ways of Loving ikhuluma ngokunamathelana kwabantu abadala, yize ukuyikhawulela ebudlelwaneni bothando kungenza lo msebenzi wamanje ngale ndaba ube mncane kakhulu. Akungabazeki ukuthi iyisiqondiso esingasiza abafundi baqonde indlela yabo yokunamathelana futhi basuse ukungabaza okuthile ngesihloko esisetshenziswa ngokweqile futhi esivame ukuxoxwa ngaso ngaphandle kokuqonda. Ukunamathelana kwabantu abadala kunemiphumela eqondile ekunamatheleni ebuntwaneni (kungumjikelezo oziqinisayo), futhi le ncwadi isekelwe emsebenzini wesayensi kaJohn Bowlby, iphayona. Ikhuluma ngezitayela ezahlukene zokunamathelana ukuze ezingezinhle noma eziyingozi zithathelwe indawo ngezinempilo neziphephile ezisivumela ukuthi sixhumane nabanye ngokuzethemba nangothando.
Mayelana nabalobi
U-Amir Levine ungudokotela wezinzwa odumile wase-Israel kanye nodokotela wezifo zengqondo . Njengamanje wenza ucwaningo e-Columbia University futhi usebenza no-Eric Kandel, owanikezwa uMklomelo weNobel kwezokwelapha ngo-2000. Uyilungu le-American Psychiatric Association, i-American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, kanye ne-Society for Neuroscience.
URachel Heller ungusosayensi wezenhlalo waseColumbia University , futhi ubungani bakhe noDkt. Levine babaphefumulele bobabili ukuthi babhale le ncwadi. UHeller ugxile ekusebenzeni ngokunamathelana nobudlelwano emsebenzini wakhe.